Wintering

Craving for sugars. Low energy. Tyrannical end-of-year deadlines. Mental saturation. Holiday rush dread. These are familiar manifestations of what seems like the dead season. I know it is not officially winter yet, but since I started seeing the blue little snowflake next to the reading of the weather on the dashboard of my car, it must be pretty close.

For most of my life, I often arrived short of breath to Christmas Eve. And after moving to the US, adding Thanksgiving didn't help me with energy repletion, not even a month after Halloween. I really don't see the point of it. It ends up being stressful, and the more stressed the hosts, the less fun it was for me. Most of my marriage, I just wanted this to be over with. For a couple of years, we decided to go traveling during that time, since the kids had a whole week off anyway. We went to Bodega Bay one year before Kristof was born, Italy another year, and later on in Carmel. Seeing relatives over Christmas is enough. I have no problem practicing gratitude every day instead.

The holiday season tends to amplify certain emotions, and when they are associated with grief, it is easier to want to avoid them. On Wednesday, I started wrapping presents for Christmas as a way to protest this (I have never been so early). I made my front door wreath more festive and seasonal, with a mini treasure from a tree on my front yard.

I went to bed early because I was running a 10k the next morning. It helped me go through the day faster. And my excitement towards this new challenge grew as I approached this as an opportunity to experience an expansion of consciousness by stretching the limits of my endurance, mental and physical. After that, we had a good dinner, and it was low-key. The next day, we were invited to my friend's partner's mother. Her house was as enchanting as her presence. It was a wonderful feeling to be sitting in a living room with so much soul, so many objects that had stories to tell. I had never seen wine glasses like that, with a sensual translucent statue of a woman. The couch, the rocking chairs were as comfortable as the food was delightful. She had a dog and 6 cats (I saw two, who were also represented on a poster in her kitchen and that I also happen to have at home. Maybe among the other four were two more also on the poster).

This inspired me to continue to take my decoration and joy of living at home to another level. I managed to hang a few things on the wall. I tried 3 different recipes: of muffins, of a soup and salmon in the slow cooker. 

Cute presents I ordered for Kristof's 12th birthday were delivered. I Face Timed a beloved aunt, missed another one while my friend Julie visited and we chatted. I hadn't seen her in a while. I returned a friend's text I had not heard from in a much longer while.

I thought about Christmas decorations without actually putting up any yet. I opened a kitchen drawer and some items most people would throw away morphed into a greeting card idea. For when I have more energy.

I spent as much time as I could outside, sweeping leaves, removing leaves from the gutters, and emptying the bag of the pool vacuum that I have never thought myself capable of handling because my pool guy takes care of it and I never observed how he did it. It was filled with... leaves. I took the yard waste bins (full of dead leaves) and trash out. I noticed not feeling as sore as I was after the 10 k while taking my morning walk (I wear scarf and gloves, and soon I will have to wear a beanie). I planned a bit more for my holiday vacation and called both my dad and my boyfriend to debate over itineraries. I drained my dishwasher by hand (because it drains once or twice every 3 cycles). I played yo-yo with the heating system. I ate tasty leftovers (couscous, green beans, grilled sardines and sweet potatoes). I reviewed the proofs of book chapters but was only able to go through one of them before submitting. I started to review another one and my fatigue got so intense, I could no longer absorb words (and I called my boyfriend to semi-complain of exactly that). I concluded my day by playing Wordle before I slipped in an irreversible state of torpor. 

These are the joys of wintering at the House of Enchantments.