What is a Mother ?

''Maman, did you bring snacks ?'' Boy, did I hear this question a lot... Now my boyfriend calls me
 ''The Queen of Snacks''.
Because food is love, right ?

During one of our numerous trips when I was traveling as the only adult. I decided my sons needed to wear red so I could spot them easily in airports (they were VERY good at exploring !)

Bundle of love and joy 💖

Because I have one and am one, I did spend a lot of time pondering on something that might seem obvious but turns out to be complex, and probably the hardest tasks, because it includes not only one of the most challenging missions, which is becoming who we are meant to be, but doing so as we guide our children to become who they are, not merely extensions of our unfulfilled, craving, impermanent ego. 

The mother is the life-giver. Without her womb, there would not be viable conditions for a child to be born. The mother gives the possibility of motherhood too, through the X chromosome she gives every one of her children. The mother tends to be the mother of everyone: of her spouse, her friends in need, her younger siblings, her students, and her own, aging mother. That is why it is complex and multidimensional. But a mother is also a unique living being, with the desire to self-actualize. And this is important to own that, as a healthy form of modeling for her offspring who will dedicate their life to this divine purpose, in the interstices of our tangible, material world. 

Reading to my sons before bedtime, even when they
were able to read, has always been so blissful.

A sisterhood is essential to name and process those realities. By bonding with other women who are mothers at similar stages we enter as mothers, stages at times mirroring our children's own stages, (whether it is identity formation during adolescence, or leaving the nest as young adults), we get support in raising the future generation. It creates an invisible web of support to all our children. Women being the infrastructure of the world (think of how many "invisible'', non-paid roles are disproportionately fulfilled by women compared to men), they can guide all children in becoming builders of a better world. With my new friends, we talked about our own mothering stories, as the sun was setting with an explosion of heat by the rose bushes in my backyard. I cherish these moments of authentic presence and sharing with two amazing mothers who are so generous of their wisdom. It was lovely to be there for each other, to celebrate our effort as moms, to name our love for our children,, to express gratitude.

With my two new friends, Wendy (center) and Catherine (right)

For Mothers' Day, celebrating me means celebrating my children. I started the day by thanking my sons for being who they are. 

Dear sons, it is an honor to be your mother. You are my best teachers.

Also at the airport. Perfect illustration of the stereotypical siblinghood of 3 we see on t-shirts
(t-shirt for first-born child says '' I make the rules'', second-born, ''I am the reason there are rules'', and third-born, ''rules don't apply to me'' LOL)

It is an emotional time of year for me, also because this month is the month that made me a mother, 17 years ago. And three years later, my middle son was also born that same month. Being a mother is an invitation to expand. I have to thank my sons' spiritedness and insatiable curiosity for creating opportunities for me to leave my comfort zone, whether by learning about trains, dinosaurs, being more physically fit or approaching certain tasks (like painting a wall or sweeping) with more enthusiasm. Youri's talent and passion for music made me reconnect with my timid dabbling at the keyboard over 3 decades after my last (and only) musical experience. This positive influence has been mutual, as my boys' openness to learn made them receptive of my teaching of how to sew, bake, ski etc. 

Digi-cam ''selfie'': I remember very well that day, I was alone at home with them
 and we had survived once again, without blood or casualties !!!

Dear Youri, Andreas and Kristof,

Giving birth to you

In complete awe of you, since day one (even zero !)

Has been love beyond everything I could ever imagine.

You are aurora borealis to my soul.

You are the light.

I love you more than life itself.

I am there for you.

Je suis là pour vous.

Love you forever. Je vous aime pour toujours.

And to my fellow mothers, here is my message:

We need to redefine what it means to be a mother, a father, a parent. It is all about the love. Intentional, not glamorous love. The love that stands as its own truth. The love given with each breath. The love that survives impossible conditions. The love that doesn't know what the future holds but is still there pouring itself into the collective soul. The love that flows because this is the true life force and we don't know any other way. 

Kristof's birthday, 2015

My birthday in delightful company during the first year of the pandemic

I know this is also how my own mother operates. Her nickname Mother Teresa has always been quite fitting.

I am thankful for her teaching of all these ''little'' things she did with "great love.''

The types of memories I cherish...
Thank you, Life, for doing me the honor of experiencing such love.