Lighter and brighter

I started this post over a year ago, just after the winter solstice, with one of Lizzo's songs echoing in my head. This blog draft had the initial title: ''Lighter and brighter: it's about d... time !''

I have the tendency to start too many projects with not guarantee of finishing them all. But as I seek to live more intentionally, I want to declutter my mental space by closing some chapters or dilemmas. So I can see better the path ahead of me, just like reorganizing my home and purging superfluous items can help me see better what I actually have (one of the reasons why I avoid buying too many groceries: if I cannot see the light at the back of the refrigerator, that means there is too much food and I will risk wasting some because I couldn't see the whole inventory).

Almost a week ago, as I pushed the curtains to the side in my kitchen, I had a sight that made me forget the cold air and the carpeted stairs that are the color of cat vomit. There she was, her majesty the full moon, caught between branches. This planet looking like a mammographed boob was playing hide-and-seek. I grabbed my phone before she disappeared. Just like I had done in the ultra-sound room the week before, relieved that the finding in one of my full moons was benign...

I also remember watching Lizzo's video for the first time a little bit over a year ago. I swear I walk around dancing like her when no one is watching. It is so refreshing.

We should redefine beauty, and what we choose to put in your body (it should be beautiful, whole, natural...).

Beauties may look alike (or make us feel similarly) because they are of one and the same light... Just like the owl ooh-oohing in the background seems in continuity with the light between two conversing souls.

Ugliness seems to be different because it startles us every time, because we never get used to it and try to forget it every time. Yet it is the same mask called treachery, an illusion trying to distract us and to block the light.

Ugly challenges have forced me to reposition myself in the web of my existence and reclaim both my power and my light: as a person, as a woman, as a mother, as a partner, as a friend, as an aunt, as a daughter, as a healer, as a fellow human being. Because I am becoming more aware of life living itself through me, moment by moment.

Awareness is the main character of life, with the changing décor in the background we often confound with the main element of one's life at some point or another, whether it is love, illness, Christmas, travel, boredom, promotion, hardship, birth and rebirth. 

Why cultivate awareness instead of chasing happiness ? The latter is often competitive (because enslaved to a scarcity mindset, defined by finite resources like a partner, a beautiful home, a good job etc), while awareness is our true abundance and actually with awareness often comes a form of non-tangible resource-independent happiness called joy. Once we are aware, we stop comparing our life (or Christmas decorations) with others' because it is pointless. Plus, we become too busy noticing and reflecting on what we gain awareness about.

Awareness is also more contagious. Happiness, rooted in the material world, can breed envy, jealousy, bitterness, gossip, toxicity, and unproductive anger. But awareness inspires. Someone being aware can only invite more awareness in, if only the awareness that we are not aware and would like to be ! The most bitter were often the least insightful and aware... The most aware have also been the most generous and divine, maybe in part because of the courage that comes from facing harsh realities through awareness.

The unfolding of my awareness has led me to realize that my strivings in the form of goals have been source of suffering once the achieved goal demonstrated the law of impermanence in the form of grief. Instead of focusing on goals, now I cultivate intentions within reach that are supposed to help me raise my vibrational state (healthy diet, food, exercise, self-expression, social connections, meditation, a sense of purpose, and decent sleep). Of course, we alternate between contracted states (anger, fear) and expansion (joy, peace etc). But the more we can raise our vibration, the more it becomes our baseline, and the contractions are briefer and briefer and exist only to propel us more forcefully in the emotional states with high vibrational frequency. 

What lights you up ? What raises your vibration ? Then do more of it, more often. Because once we can vibrate at a high frequency, magic happens, dreams materialize, body-mind functions align and everything else falls into place.