The white pebbles from the divine

When you really want something, you must make sure you are ready to receive it. I know it sounds obvious, but what I mean by that is to actually clear the path in order for any sense of direction or actualization to appear. Often, our life (and mind) is too cluttered to welcome anything new, beneficial or helping us see better the trajectory we should embark on. There needs to be a letting go process with some tolerance for a relative temporary vacuum or emptiness.

A concrete example is, of course, what I have experienced settling in gradually in the House of Enchantments. As you know by now, I like for my home to have some soul, and blank walls is antithetical to that. But what I came to understand is one has to actually live in the space to know how to fill it most optimally and beautifully. Before rushing to create a gallery wall, I intuitively developed the habit of leaning the frames against the surface I was thinking about for them, or creating a composition on a flat surface, moving them around like pieces of a puzzle, before being too quick at the hammer. I can appreciate how this incremental improvement has been wise and satisfying.

There is still a corner of my home that I am not very fond of: the rail in my dining room that leads to the lower level. The vertical bars look carceral to me. Since I don't have the means to invest in some cast iron rail (one of my few extravagant dreams), I decided to work with what I have (of course), which includes a combination of my imagination and using the ugliness as a structure and cover it, for instance with some kind of mosaic. The ultimate, quintessential kintsugi ! Transcending the trauma or rupture from many broken dishes, potteries etc. Months ago, I discovered leftover blue ceramic pool tiles in the garage. I started laying out some arrangement or pattern on sheets of paper on my counter near my stove. I needed a wood plank or board that would have the dimension of that upper white structure. I thought about asking a friend who likes to do that kind of stuff if he had wood of such dimensions to provide, but he had been away for a couple of months. My goal was to glue the colorful broken pieces on wood that I would then attach in a non-permanent fashion to the white surface with some kind if right-angled hooks (in case I would move out and wanted to take this project with me).

 

Patiently, I kept waiting and on occasion, I would rearrange the elements, playing with different layouts, adding a piece of broken ceramic I had just found by digging through my lifetime supply of craft materials. Then, a few weeks ago, I came across a super interesting find (or I was the find, for this thing found me !). Right near my bamboo plants, there was a board, the perfect, warm, earthy color and with a dimension that would make it easy to cut or adjust. It put a huge smile on my face. It had fallen from the fence behind the bamboo planters and it was the piece at the very end of it so it didn't make much difference at all that if it was gone (not to mention that I like the symbolism behind something that is meant to divide is being dismantled, ha !).

I must say I am glad I had not rushed into filling the rectangular white space. I had tolerated the emptiness of texture and color in that area of my home until nature conspired to send me exactly what I needed. The reward for my patience, for ''sitting with the pieces'' (of solitude, emptiness, grief...).

I like how the material world mirrors what happens in the more spiritual realm at times. Because this sign-offering phenomenon happens for other dimensions of our experience too. For instance, relationships. Like I mentioned in my recent YouTube channel, solitude is like a garden, the soil that is needed to see flowers, plants, herbs and fruit appear. As unpleasant, cold, or dark the derived loneliness may fell, it is necessary to nurture solitude and relational silence in order to take stock of who we are, of our riches, gifts and talents, which can be brought to our own awareness only if we spent enough time in our own company. If you want to get to know a person, you have to spend one on one time with them, instead of diluting the interactions with someone else, right ? Same with ourselves. We ARE that person we need to get to know really well, ''one on one''.

I believe the piece of the fence fell on my driveway like a marker, a sign pointing in a direction (of my art project), like the white pebbles left by a caring soul when we are lost in a dark forest. Relationships are very similar to those pebbles. The people who show up in our life can be viewed as pebbles teaching us about ourselves and therefore pointing to the direction of our soul. And if we ignore the pebbles, if we do not look at them or if we neglect decoding the message giving direction or wisdom, the unfinished businesses they carry will come back later in life in a louder, brighter, heavier way to get our attention, either as the same person plus their own evolution, or under a different form, because of this inner force called personal growth. Yet, relationships are not meant to last forever. Because nothing is permanent. So why would relationships be any different ? Either two partners or friends breakup, or one of the people die. There is always an end. But no matter the duration (which is a very materialistic concept anyway, or an illusion), the ''pebble'' or guiding role always occurs. Sure, when a relationship between two individuals ends up lasting and being fulfilling, it is wonderful, but it is not the main goal. A relationship is merely a structure, a canvas, or a ''creuset'' where the main life purpose takes place, the landscape colors itself, or the recipe culminates, which is expansion of our own consciousness. The support, companionship, dreams built together are a bonus, a by-product or the mere scaffolding that leads to self-knowledge and self-awareness.

I want to dedicate this blog to all the luminous, white pebbles that have landed on my path thus far: my dear children Youri, Andreas and Kristof, my family, including dear cousins, nieces and nephew, friends, teachers, partners, students, patients and colleagues.  Whether you are near or far, palpable or back to the world of dreams, know that we are forever connected, because you each hold a piece of the mirror reflecting the me as I truly am and what I am capable of.

With infinite gratitude,

Car❤line Mariekya