On my wish list ? A zero-stress Xmas !!!

The owner of a cute vintage shop nearby called The Nifty Nook greeted me with a ''are you ready for Christmas ?'' To my non-equivoqual no, she replied ''me neither !''. She said she had not bought any presents yet (I felt less alone... I have about 2-3 ready). She proceeded to talk in a way that sounded like it could have very well been me talking as she commiserated about her cluelessness towards what to buy her husband. ''I asked him to give me a wish list !'' (OMG same, regarding my guy. I proposed with the deepest sincerity to write him a poem... he didn't seem interested... even though I find such sacredness so valuable, in divine currency...). She doesn't know what to get for her kids either. Sigh !

Then she proceeded to describe her concept of her dream present: cuddling on the couch with blankets as a family, watching Christmas movies and eating popcorn. I had a variant of that idea: cuddling by the fireplace, with the recently discovered albums by Loreena McKennit or Josh Groban playing in the background, sipping mulled wine or hot chocolate and immersing myself in a blissful read.

As I am stuck in a longer commute after work when most people rush to outlets and stores for their Christmas readiness, my aversion to the materialistic dimension in the form of internal pressure to buy presents grows bigger every year. I crave for the simple yet deeply meaningful moments: quality time with loved ones, cooking with family and friends, doing arts and crafts (instead of spending the whole month of December doing that, and just admiring the work on December 24th, as if the festivities developed in the context of celebrating the birth of a really cool guy named Jesus had to be performative), spending time outdoors or even skiing, laughing, singing, and -why not-, dancing.

Recently, during one of the many illuminating talks I listened to during an international conference on the meaning of disease and the intelligence of the body, someone said something that struck me: we can no longer use the cues of our childhood to live our life now. I thought it could also apply to Christmas, and the reason why so many of us are stressed might come from this unspoken loyalty to family tradition. How many of us feel like they HAVE to cook or bake the same things, invite the same people, put the same ornaments in the same type of tree, listen to the same music etc year after year ?

We cannot simply copy and paste the dimensions of Christmas from year to year. During a whole calendar year leading up to this holiday, there is a plethora of opportunities for unexpected stuff that turns our plans upside down, force us to redesign our approaches or change cues in our daily life. It can be a tragedy, relationship loss, illness etc. We cannot just replicate the same Christmas over and over. There needs to be a minimum of flexibility to be able to feel the serenity and joy all those greeting cards are wishing us.  Sure, there are reassuring, comforting and grounding elements within a common thread or certain traditional elements. But instead of insisting they do happen rigidly in their entirety, and in the same sequence, which is plain unrealistic, tyrannical, stressful, we should have a broad menu of special things for this time of year, with plenty of choices to fit in at the right moment and with the right people as soon as the opportunity arises. And be mindful, which means curious and interested, to see how it will all unfold, where the needs of the world for us to be ready to give, and when we can come together with friends when all the schedules align.

At the House of Enchantments, there is this openness that made good things happen already. My dad visited and we arranged for my cousin Dominic and his sweetheart Mahenna to join my household for dinner. They hadn't seen each other since 2022. It was delightful and moving beyond words to have a sample of our extended family from Québec right here in Northern California. Earlier that day, we experienced a sense of shared awe as we embarked together in Monet's immersive experience. For the dinner and ambiance, I selected a few festive elements, just enough to put us in the mood, and fun and realistic for Bibi and me to do (I had all I needed for the spicy wine and cranberry sauce, and to keep the fireplace warm and bright, we had plenty of wood given by a neighbor). At the last minute, I improvised as I combined a few thematic elements that made the experience enjoyable.

Avec mon papa, at the Monet Art Exhibit (Immersive experience)

That's probably what draws me to vintage shops like Pick-It-Fence or Nifty Nook: they also make Christmas about displaying the unexpected, whether it is artwork like a wreath made of corks, or a small Christmas tree made of old keys or stacked squares of paperback page samples.

So even though I was shopping with a sense of dread yesterday, with a rush of mixed emotions, I was able to shift my perspective towards my new cues in my new life. New life, new approach and new definition of Christmas. I wasn't there so much for myself but more to show this lovely place to Dominic and Mahenna. They found something they liked, and to me, that was all that mattered. 

December is not just about Christmas. There is an Advent calendar for Bibi going, I have a digital fika planned with two friends in Scandinavia soon, and there will be the winter solstice, which will of course include some form of ritual with intention-setting.

I also wanted to make room for my sons' own activities, namely Andreas' and Kristof's debate competitions, at one of which I volunteered as a judge for almost a 12-hour day on a weekend (the experience itself will warrant that I dedicate an entire blogpost to it).

As for December 24th and beyond... who knows... And it doesn't matter. I will host a potluck with other divine parents based on the doodle poll verdict, and I will recharge my batteries (meaning, not do any cooking) on my birthday. Beforehand, I might choose to bake gingerbread cookies as my main Christmas activity, along with some arts and crafts with Bibi, who will have her first Christmas on this continent, and make the time to display samples of the abundant nature in my home, thanks to my rosemary bushes and holly trees. And put more ornaments as they show up... like for my new concept of a mini Christmas tree, just for ''widowed or newly single earrings''. More to come in my next blog :) !