The Paper Shift

When I was a physical therapy student at Pavillon Vandry, Université Laval in Québec City, my roommate and friend, Kath, was an avid fan of Bon Jovi. And before every exam, she would play the song ''I believe'' before an exam. It was a ritual she never missed, a superstition we would all embrace. Even though it was not my favorite song, it was a good mantra to boost self-confidence, regulate our apprehension and feel more alert during the exam. And it also inspired to stay alert to my own fetish songs throughout my life. I continue to pay attention to songs that have either given me shivers (such as Like a Prayer by Madonna, especially the line ''I hear you call my name, and it feels like.... HOOOOOME... almost the ''ohm'' mantra !).

But one I reconnected with recently has the power to activate my Yang mode, in addition to bringing me back to that disco era that saw me being born. Whenever I feel self-doubt creeping, I turn it on:

The Hustle (Do it)

oooooouh 

oooouh oouh oouh ouh

Do it ! (sweeping, applying to an Arts & Crafts show, setting a boundary with a toxic person, booking a flight, reaching out, finishing my notes, speaking my heart, writing my weekly blog after skipping a week due to too many ''paper shifts'').

Do not let this fool you though. I still haven't allowed tyrannical to-do lists to suffocate me for years now, and instead, I try to do things as they come and using a priority system based on what is salient within me, and in the hope that there will be some form of attrition among the non-essential tasks and a natural selection process for the real priorities. To DO IT therefore might mean to choose to do my laps in the pool rather than scrub a kitchen...

The only exception is the to-do list when I am on call. The two folded sheets with the names of patients and their location in the hospital is the most important accessory, in addition to a couple of pens, a highlighter, my phone, a mask and a layer because AC makes the environment arctic cold.

Last Saturday, motivated to DO IT, after rounds, I spent time working from my office on my merit application packet, a tedious process that I must now do every 3 years if I want to advance or climb the ladder of academia. I still had to go back and meet with the nurse practitioner and a couple of patients. When I went to the main hospital, I realized I didn't have the to-do in my rain jacket pocket ! I was certain I had not taken it out in my office. I was hoping it was not lost. It didn't have a lot of private info, the notes I take are usually abbreviations that necessitate more than a medical training to figure out...But I felt a surge of guilt for my negligence. I went back to the clinic and it wasn't there. I decided to retrace my steps since I had left the unit. I thought they might have fallen when I used the restrooms near the doctor's lounge where I had gotten some snacks. And here they were... outside the bathroom door. Phew !

After that paper call over, there is always not a call for papers, as in the publishing dimension of my work, but a call from papers waiting for me at home... the countless piles of scratch papers with some notes I can no longer decipher, drafts written hastily as I wrote cards or poems or prepared a riddle for a treasure hunt for my sons (they used to love those), and notes with their own handwriting as they tried to solve math problems or describe a drawing. But if you think I have too many ideas floating everywhere, wait until I am done counting all the notebooks filled to the last page. These are the real ''to-do'' lists for me, for the soul, with lists of wisdom, reflections and life teaching through detailed accounts of my joys, sorrows and gratitude moments for all the people I love.