There is... giving

Anyone has agonized over Christmas shopping, trying to find the ''perfect'' gift for someone ? What I observed in my life is that the receiver putting us in such an impossible dilemma generally falls into 3 categories: the person is very picky and difficult, and never seems satisfied with any present (I have encountered at least 5 such people in my life, some unequivocally narcissistic, and every single Christmas was a bit of a pain because of this overwhelming sense of futility, so I came to use this as a red flag of some difficulty personality), the person has really EVERYTHING and you cannot possibly think of something to add to their abundance, or the person is someone who is such an integral, precious part of your life that you consistently give each other the gift of presence, support, affirmation, along multiple treats per year, making the present-giving at Yule, Christmas, Jolabokaflod etc completely obsolete (your favorite people or longterm friends might fall in that category). Sometimes, the receiver belongs to more than one category (like someone for whom any present will be beneath them AND they have everything), turning your shopping process into a complete nightmare. 

Yearning for the days when I my children were younger and so grateful for every single thing, my whole life with them WAS the gift, I got so anxious about the current sense of pressure earlier this month that it led me to tears. I know the pain of going through the effort of thinking, planning, imagining, buying or making, then wrapping the gift only to have it ignored or met with contempt. But then, a few days ago, while I was resolute to not buy anything extra, just the bare minimum, when I became at peace with the idea of offering a poem with a symbolic object and not caring about the response anymore, something shifted in me. I started to do something that might feel like a profound, internal letting go... I went to store, and probably because I had a limited amount of time, having to pick up my student after an event, I had to be efficient and intentional. I had to prioritize a few key stores at the outlets. I realized I was dealing with Christmas shopping just as if it were my last, and exactly like how we should live each day. Because we would go straight to what matters. No more as-ifs, no enactment of some dissonant script, no fulfilling of others' expectation, but instead, the soul-to-soul stuff. We would let go of the superfluous, the tyrannical fear of doing the wrong thing, or of not being enough. We would embrace spontaneity, and trust it. We would focus on shining our light and raising the vibration of the world.

And I even had the echo of a poem forming in my head... how blessed is the one who must distill life because he is standing at the doorway of his last heartbeat... blessed because there is no escaping the fact that this is the last chance. To give from the heart, not the ego. To stop this linear or cause-and-effect form of thinking, or living... I give you this, you receive this from me (of equal value). Ego. I expect the same in return. Ego. I must give something expensive for it to matter. Ego. 

But honestly, an obsidian found by my youngest son and offered to me will always be more precious than any diamond a soupirant might give me. The intention of the person makes any gift sacred. The wrapping, the light surrounding it, IS the gift.

And what if there is no one really doing the giving... Just like no one has an emotion, but there is an emotion and we happen to catch it. There is giving... This summed up my experience shopping as I felt part of that giving spirit, floating in an ocean made of waves of generosity and gratitude. When you stop identifying with what you buy, offer, receive, you become the conduit to giving. There is giving. That's it. And if everyone approached life that way, not trying to take credit for a good idea or harvest accolades, everyone would give from the heart. 

And all presents would be wonderful ones.

(Plus, when no one is really doing the giving, then you cannot be blamed for picking the ''wrong'' thing, right ? LOL).

Remember: you do not give per se. No one is doing the thing called giving. We are just instruments of this magical spirit of giving.

May there be giving for everyone in our world. Now.

Merry Christmas everyone. I wish you all inner peace and expansive clarity, so that the light can come in.